When my husband died in 2024, I knew I needed a second opinion. I had managed our finances for years and felt reasonably confident in what I was doing, but there were things I had never thought about before: what to do with life insurance proceeds (and whether the coverage we had was even close to enough), whether the real estate portfolio we had built together still made sense for me alone, how to think about retirement now that the plan had changed completely.
I started calling financial advisors near me in Lower Manhattan. Every single one operated on an assets-under-management model. They would charge me a percentage of whatever assets I moved to them, typically somewhere between 0.5% and 1.5% per year. I had no interest in moving my assets. I wanted to pay someone by the hour for clear, unbiased advice on a specific set of decisions, then make my own calls.
I couldn't find anyone who worked that way.
What I eventually understood is that I had been looking for something that exists, but under a different name, with a different structure, and in a much smaller corner of the industry. This post is the explanation I wish I had found.
What a financial advisor actually is
"Financial advisor" is a broad term. In practice, most people using that title are in the business of managing money for a fee based on how much you give them to manage. That is the AUM (assets under management) model.
AUM advisors make sense if you want someone to actively manage your investments over time. You move your assets to their firm, they manage the portfolio, and you pay a percentage each year for that service. Financial planning advice — tax strategy, estate planning, retirement projections — typically comes bundled in.
The model works well for people who want to delegate and stay largely hands-off. It does not work well if:
- You don't want to move your assets
- You have a specific question, not an ongoing management need
- You want one or two sessions, not a long-term relationship
- You're not sure what you need yet and don't want to commit to anything
Most widows I talk to fall into at least one of those categories, especially in the first year.
What a fee-only, hourly advisor is
Some advisors work on a fee-only basis. They charge you directly for their time: by the hour, by the project, or on retainer. They don't take commissions. They don't earn anything based on what you invest or where you put your money.
This is what I was looking for and couldn't find in my immediate area. The National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (NAPFA) maintains a directory of fee-only advisors searchable by location.
Fee-only advisors can do most of what an AUM advisor does — financial planning, investment guidance, retirement projections — but the payment structure is different. You pay for the advice. Asset management is separate, optional, and your choice.
What a financial coach is
A financial coach is not a licensed financial advisor. They cannot manage your money, recommend specific securities, or give formal investment advice. What they can do is help you understand your financial picture, build confidence, and work through decisions that feel overwhelming.
Coaching tends to be most useful for people who feel uncertain about the basics: what accounts they have, how to read a statement, how to build a budget. If your husband managed the finances and you suddenly need to learn what you own and what it means, a coach can help you get oriented without judgment.
For women who were already managing the finances before their husband died, coaching is often a less necessary starting point. You know how money works. What you need is a credentialed second opinion on specific decisions, not a process for building foundational knowledge.
That said, the line between coaching and advising blurs at the edges. A good financial coach who understands widowhood will refer you to a licensed advisor when you hit questions that require one.
What I was actually looking for
Looking back, what I needed was a fee-only planner who would take my situation seriously, charge me for an hour or two of their time, and help me think through a specific set of decisions. Not someone to manage my assets. Not someone to teach me how money works. Someone to pressure-test my thinking.
The validation piece mattered more than I expected. I knew what I thought I should do. I wanted someone qualified to tell me whether I was missing something.
That is a legitimate and common need, and the industry does not serve it well. Most of financial services is built around ongoing asset management. The advisor who charges for a two-hour consultation and then lets you go is not a common model, but it is the right one for a lot of widows in the first year.
The practical version
If you are recently widowed and trying to figure out who to call:
If you want someone to manage your money over the long term and are comfortable moving assets to a firm, look for an AUM-based advisor. Make sure they are a fiduciary (legally required to act in your interest, not theirs).
If you have specific questions and want honest advice without moving your assets or signing anything ongoing, look for a fee-only, hourly advisor. NAPFA's directory is the right place to start.
If you are feeling uncertain about the basics of your financial picture and need help getting oriented, a financial coach may be a good first step. The AFC (Accredited Financial Counselor) is the credential to look for. Be clear on what they can and cannot advise you on before you start.
Most people don't need all three. Most people, in my experience, need one good hour with the right person.